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The Great Vape Escape
Written for Killing My Lobster, a San Francisco-based sketch comedy group.
Written for Killing My Lobster, a San Francisco-based sketch comedy group.
CAST:
CAT IN THE HAT: A sing-songy Dr. Suess-esque narrator who speaks in a raspy smoker voice.
PENNY: Acts out the narrator’s actions while becoming increasingly distraught. Speaks in a similar sing-songy tone.
CAST:
CAT IN THE HAT: A sing-songy Dr. Suess-esque narrator who speaks in a raspy smoker voice.
PENNY: Acts out the narrator’s actions while becoming increasingly distraught. Speaks in a similar sing-songy tone.
SCENE:
Penny is sprawled across her bed in a messy room. A cloud of smoke is slowly dissipating. Cat in the Hat sits on a stool to the side, holding a giant storybook.
SCENE:
Penny is sprawled across her bed in a messy room. A cloud of smoke is slowly dissipating. Cat in the Hat sits on a stool to the side, holding a giant storybook.
CAT IN THE HAT:
In a room full of colors, all twinkling and bright,
Sat a girl with her vape, just craving a light.
But oh, how peculiar! It vanished from sight—
Her pod had escaped like a thief in the night!
PENNY: (Distraught)
Oh, where did my vape go? This feels like a joke!
How badly I need just one little smoke!
CAT IN THE HAT:
She dove under the bed, she turned over the spread,
But nothing appeared, and she filled up with dread.
She peeked in her shoes. She looked in a cup—
She even checked places that were clearly made up!
PENNY: (Panicked)
Could it be on the ceiling, held up by some tape?
Or maybe it shrank, hiding inside a grape?
CAT IN THE HAT:
The room seemed to grow, both gigantic and wide,
She grew more frantic with each place that she tried!
PENNY: (Frustrated, stomps her feet)
Oh, where did that vape go? This is simply absurd!
CAT IN THE HAT:
She shouted aloud, but no echo was heard.
Exhausted and beaten, she started to sigh,
And wished that old science could somehow just lie.
PENNY: (Forlorn)
If only it was okay to puff cigarettes all day—
Then I’d never have to chase this vape far away!
CAT IN THE HAT:
With her head in her hands, she let out a groan,
And that's when she found it—her vape, not yet blown!
She’d been holding it tight through her frantic ordeal,
A puff, then a cough—what a wonderful feel!
But just as she relaxed in her comfy escape,
She looked down and realized—
PENNY: (Horrified)
Oh no, where’s my vape?!
(Fade to black.)
CAT IN THE HAT:
In a room full of colors, all twinkling and bright,
Sat a girl with her vape, just craving a light.
But oh, how peculiar! It vanished from sight—
Her pod had escaped like a thief in the night!
PENNY: (Distraught)
Oh, where did my vape go? This feels like a joke!
How badly I need just one little smoke!
CAT IN THE HAT:
She dove under the bed, she turned over the spread,
But nothing appeared, and she filled up with dread.
She peeked in her shoes. She looked in a cup—
She even checked places that were clearly made up!
PENNY: (Panicked)
Could it be on the ceiling, held up by some tape?
Or maybe it shrank, hiding inside a grape?
CAT IN THE HAT:
The room seemed to grow, both gigantic and wide,
She grew more frantic with each place that she tried!
PENNY: (Frustrated, stomps her feet)
Oh, where did that vape go? This is simply absurd!
CAT IN THE HAT:
She shouted aloud, but no echo was heard.
Exhausted and beaten, she started to sigh,
And wished that old science could somehow just lie.
PENNY: (Forlorn)
If only it was okay to puff cigarettes all day—
Then I’d never have to chase this vape far away!
CAT IN THE HAT:
With her head in her hands, she let out a groan,
And that's when she found it—her vape, not yet blown!
She’d been holding it tight through her frantic ordeal,
A puff, then a cough—what a wonderful feel!
But just as she relaxed in her comfy escape,
She looked down and realized—
PENNY: (Horrified)
Oh no, where’s my vape?!
(Fade to black.)
